Why ‘Family, Friend and Neighbor Care’ Is an Essential Part of America’s Child Care System

At 3 a.m., Reina Solano was startled awake by the ring of her phone. 

Her daughter, Ivonne Valadez Solano, was close to tears. With her newborn in one hand and her phone in the other, she frantically explained her problem. She had to leave for work but she couldn’t reach her mother-in-law, who had agreed to provide child care for her — and she had no other options because of the early hour.

Solano did not think twice. “Bring the baby to me. I’ll take care of her.” 

Ivonne gave birth to her firstborn daughter in 2015. After her maternity leave ended, she searched desperately for child care. Center-based care was not an option because of her atypical work hours; at the time, she was a supervisor at a major cafe chain and was expected to prepare the store for its 5 a.m. opening. 

With an almost hour-long commute in sprawling Los Angeles, she initially asked her mother-in-law to provide child care starting at 3 a.m. on the days she worked, but Ivonne had taken unpaid maternity leave, and with a lack of savings, she could not afford to compensate her. Her mother-in-law agreed to help for a few weeks, but was unable to take on an almost full-time child care job without pay for longer than that.

Fearful of jeopardizing her job, Ivonne turned to the person she could always count on: her mother.

The emergency 3 a.m. phone call between Solano and her daughter has led to nearly 10 years of consistent child care. Child care arrangements like that of the Solano family are considered “Family, Friend and Neighbor” (FFN) care. It is the most common type of non-parental child care in the United States. It is utilized by families of all races, ethnicities and income levels, and is particularly prevalent among immigrant and multilingual families. 

In California, FFN care is license-exempt, so families who choose this type of care must know and trust the caregiver. Families who work nontraditional hours are more likely to rely on an FFN caregiver — often a grandparent — to fill the gaps left by institutional child care, such as center-based and school settings. 

“Families across demographics are using FFN care,” says ​​Natalie Renew, executive director of Home Grown, a collaborative of funders focused on home-based care. “It is particularly important to communities of color because workers of color are disproportionately [working] in jobs that have unpredictable or nontraditional schedules. 

“We need to tell the stories of families who choose and rely on FFN caregivers, and acknowledge how children thrive and benefit from that loving and culturally appropriate care. We have to confront and dispel assumptions around who’s part of the child care system.”

The Case of the Solano Family

In 2005, Reina Solano immigrated to Los Angeles from Mexico. Her goal was to make money to send back to her four children, including Ivonne, who remained in Mexico with her extended family. She ended up planting roots in the city, and in time, got married and had two more children.

Ivonne immigrated to LA a few years later when she was twenty years old. She hoped to study English and further her studies in computer science and engineering, but soon found it was not that simple. Navigating the limited free adult education centers was difficult. She eventually found a program that fit her learning style, but it was almost a two-hour round-trip commute from her home via public transportation. She found a job at a fast food restaurant to pay for her transportation, but the restaurant was an hour and a half from her school by bus. 

It was all too much. Between the fixed schedule of her courses, the graveyard shift at her new job, and navigating the bus routes, Ivonne only studied a few months before deciding to drop the courses. 

“It wasn’t what I wanted,” she says. “But I needed to move forward.”

Ivonne has since worked in customer service roles. She and her partner, who she met during her first stint in fast food, moved in together before she became pregnant in 2014. 

Now, they juggle overlapping schedules that make institutional child care arrangements difficult. Ivonne works long day shifts in operations support at Los Angeles International Airport Thursday through Monday. Her partner has fluctuating hours with a pastry service Tuesday through Saturday. This leaves a significant gap in before- and after-school care for their children, which is exacerbated during the summer months. 

The couple continues to lean on Ivonne’s mother for their child care needs. Solano cares for her two grandchildren, Delilah and Mark, ages 9 and 5, in addition to her own two children, ages 7 and 13. In 2021, when the children returned to in-person schooling after COVID-19 restrictions eased, Solano began picking up short shifts at a local laundromat to supplement her income. On days her shifts cannot fit around the children’s school hours, she supervises them at the laundromat while she works. 

To this day, Solano refuses to ask for compensation from her daughter for the child care she provides, and she wouldn’t accept it if it was offered.

“She’s my daughter, and they are my grandchildren. How can I charge her?” Solano said.

This past school year, Solano cared for her two grandchildren overnight from Thursdays to Saturdays. Her mornings were busy. She dropped Delilah off at the local elementary school and then walked her children to the local middle and high schools. Mark remained home with her until February, when he began Transitional Kindergarten, part of California’s move towards universal preschool. 

Throughout the summer months, Solano took care of her grandchildren almost every day while her daughter was at work.

“In my culture, there is a tradition for families to support each other. It’s an asset to children for their grandparents to be in their lives,” Solano explained. “I am proud to help raise my grandchildren. I am teaching them our culture, our language. I take care to build their confidence [and] their self-esteem. If their parents cannot make it to a school event, I go. When Delilah asks me about my childhood in Mexico and follows up every question with another, I have the patience to answer.”

FFN caregivers often reflect the cultural backgrounds of the families they serve, whether they are related to the children or not. As with the Solano family, this brings a quality of care that is preferred by families. 

“An FFN caregiver can provide flexibility… They can bring cultural assets and trusting relationships,” said Anna Powell, Senior Research and Policy Associate with the Center for the Study of Child Care Employment. “In this case, grandma can provide a hot meal in her home that reflects the family’s cultural traditions. Grandma can provide bath time and bedtime, which other types of child care settings often cannot. This is in contrast to how policy and research often view FFN care, which is the worst option available or a family’s last resort. This is out of step with what families believe and value,” Powell adds.

When stakeholders discuss the child care system, they often refer to institutional forms of care. FFN care is an essential part of this system, too. It should not be forgotten or excluded from conversations about the child care system and how to support families and caregivers.

“If you have a child, or you have a child in your life, you probably know what FFN care is,” Renew said. “When we start talking about FFNs, we ask people: Who cared for you as a young child? Who cared for your children?”

Pseudonyms were used above to protect the identities of children; writing for this article was supported by the Better Life Lab at New America.